New Place

I will be doing updates on a different website. The website is called caringbridge and the link to where I will be posting/blogging from now on is listed below.
http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/lookingupward

So I know you are all probably wondering why I am doing this. Nothing happened just blogspot was getting hard for me to use so I created a caringbridge site and I like it better. It's is easier for me to use. Also, you can still leave your comments in the guestbook and the commenting will be easier for you and me. I won't have to be approving every one of your comments which will make things easier and your comment will appear faster. I just ask that you will be respectful with your comments. The comments are appeciated and make me thankful for the people God has placed in my life.

So go take a look at the new website I will be using and let me know how you like it. Thank you for allowing me to open up and be real here with you on blogspot. It's something I still want to do with you but just at a different place and hopefully something that will be easier for you and me. The updates will start coming more often too. For an update on what is going on with my dad check the new site as I have already done a post there. Thanks for your understanding and I hope and pray that you will continue to join me on this journey that I am taking with God leading the way just at the caringbridge site instead of this one.

The link for all you one more time is below.

http://www.caringbridge.org/visit/lookingupward

With God's love,
Bridget

Perfect Timing

People say a picture is worth a thousand words. This picture is truely one of those pictures for me because of the meaning that it has behind it. I don't post this picture to brag about something I did but to show God's grace in one of my weakest moments.

This picture was taken literally about 2 weeks before I found out the news that would forever change my life and send me on an unfamilar journey and amazing journey all at the same time. I actually was handing out stuffed animals at the children's hosiptal for Christmas. It was one of the most amazing things I have been able to do. Literally about 2 weeks after I was able to do this I found out that my dad had cancer. Although, I didn't deserve an award so to speak for going in the hosiptal with my heart's desire being to share God's love with those children it still felt like a slap in the face mostly because of the timing of it all. While I believe we should do things without expecting God to owe us something because after all God doesn't owe us anything I still struggled with God's timing in all of it. And God's timing is something that I still struggle with.

If God's timing was my timing my dad would be healed by now and the treament that he received back home would have worked and we wouldn't have to be going to M.D. Anderson for treatment in the hopes of God using M.D. Anderson to heal my dad. But God's timing is not mine. I don't know exactly what God's timing is. All I know that it is perfect and it's something that I don't understand completely but leaves me in awe of who God is.

I constantly lately find myself just telling God I'm tired and I'm ready for all this to over. Watching my dad in pain, the timing of how everything seems to be falling, and just tired of the emotions that I seem to fight daily. I find myself throughout the day being angry with God mainly because I don't understand why it is taking so long for my dad to be healed of cancer and ready for it all to be over, having to remind myself of God's promises and how He is faithful, having to call on all the other times God has been faithful in my life and that He is still faithful and that I can simply trust God even when I don't understand. I find myself having questions and arriving at no answers simply because God is asking me to trust Him even though I can't always see God's plan in this and trusting that somehow and someway that God is taking these ashes of my life and is turning them into beauty.

So how do I get through the day? I stop asking the questions and I get real with God. Usually the conversation that I start my day with goes something like this. God I pray that You would give me the strength and energy I need to face today. Help me to love people like You do. Through all the unexpected things that come my way today help to realize You are in control and trust You even though I don't understand. Help me to stop asking the questions. Help me to get through the angry moments I have with You throughout the day and comfort me in those moments. Countinue to strengthen, establish, perfect, and settle me like You promised You would do in my suffering.

Maybe in your life right now you are questioning the timing of everything that is happening in your life. I know for me the timing of everything just felt so wrong and like a slap in the face. Maybe that is how the timing of everything feels right now to you. I can't tell you why God choose the timing He did because I don't personally understand His timing of everything that has happened in my life but I can tell you that His timing is perfect even when it doesn't seem and feel like it.

So for me I had to stop asking the "why, what if, and the getting over how life should be" questions and start asking God to help me learn how to trust Him more that day. There are still times throughout the day where I have my angry moments with God and just wishing that life would go back to the way it was before December 2008. Through those moments I feel and know God is saying I understand, it's okay to have moments like this with Me, and I love you anyway and will show You what it means to trust Me anyway.

So whatever picture you have right now may you trust the Person who created and took the photo and the One who choose the timing upon which the picture was taken.

My dad is doing good. His rib is still broken but healing. Pray for his rib as it still hurts him. Thank you all so much for the prayers. They are felt and always felt at the perfect time when we need them desperately.

God's timing is perfect,
Bridget

Hope Giver

Mercy is not the ability to no longer feel the pain and heartache of living in this world. Mercy is knowing that I am being held through the pain by my Father.

~ Angela Thomas

Today, I am a follower of Christ, and when the earth begins to tremble and the mountains of my heart crumble toward the sea, my soul does what it was made to do - it cries out for the One who gives comfort and rest. The pain is still intense. The surprise attacks still take my breath away. But there is a difference now. The difference is now I know the One who made my soul. Because of our dance together, because of His amazing provision and faithfulness to me, He is more than words in a book. He is my Father. He is my Provider. He is Mercy and He is Hope.

~ Angela Thomas

Just wanted to share these quotes. Something for all of us to think about and apply. I hope one of them has encouraged you. May you know that God doesn't always take the pain in our life away but promises to always hold us in and through the pain. Something that I take great comfort in and something I pray that you take and find comfort in.

As for a update on my dad, he is doing good. His platlettes are still low along with his white blood cells. Pray that they both increase. Also, another thing that you all need to be in prayer for is my dad's rib. He broke his rib. For about a week he had been telling my mom and me that his side was hurting. While he told us he did fall he did not tell us that he felt like his rib was broken. Anyway, he did tell my mom about his rib and how it felt like he broke it. So while they were at M.D. Anderson they got the docter to look at his rib and turns out it was and still is broken. While the bottom part of the rib and not the top part of the rib is broken it still hurts him. So pray that his rib will heal and that he will not be in alot of pain. Keep praying for his appetite, energy, strength, rib, and platlettes and white blood cells to increase. Thank you all so much for your prayers. They are being felt and may God always receive all the glory for what He has done and is doing in our lives.

Until next time,
Bridget

More Beautiful You

There could never be a more beautiful you Don’t buy the lies disguises and hoops they make you jump through You were made to fill a purpose that only you could do So there could never be a more beautiful you
~ Jonny Diaz

Right now this is one of my favorite songs. It's called More Beautiful You by Jonny Diaz. I love the beat and the words in the song but more than that I love the message in the song. It talks about people wishing they were beautiful or more beautiful when they already are beautiful and how there could never be a more beautiful you. Why? Because God has already made you beautiful. Too often though that truth that can change your life gets buried underneath the lies the media, music videos, t.v., fashion, and the latest trends tell us.


I find that every thing that we see on t.v. and the media tells us to go buy the latest product so you can be beautiful. Whether that be through the means and hopes of having clearer skin, looking younger, losing weight, having a tan, being toned, or becoming fit. While I find and believe in exercise and staying healthly I believe even more that we need to be comfortable with who and how God has made us. Not to say that we will always look in the mirror and be happy with what we see and not notice our imperfections by the world's standards. I find the world tells us that we have to work to earn beauty and buy the latest products to become beautiful when God says that we ARE ALREADY beautiful and it's something that we DON'T have to work for or earn but something that is simply given to us because of who's image we are made in which is God Himself.

In fact in Song of Songs 4:7 says All beautiful you are my darling there is no flaw in you. While Song of Songs is a book about the love between a husband and wife I believe it is more a book showing God's love for His children. May you come to realize that there is not a more beautiful you out there then what you see in your mirror when you first wake up in the morning. You may need to do some diging to remind yourself of the beatiful person that you already are. I believe with God's help though it can be done because I promise the beautiful you is already inside of us. Sometimes we just need the reminder that there could never be a more beautiful us.

Knowing there could never be a more beautiful me,
Bridget

Quick Update

The doctor came in and said my dad's blood work looked good. His platlettes are still low. Please pray specifically that his platlettes will rise. Also, pray that his white blood cells will be high as well. He should be able to get out of the hospital tomorrow (Friday). Hopefully he will be home Friday night or Saturday, depending on how he feels. Pray for safe travel. Thank you for your continued prayers.

Sorry this blog is short. I will blog more later. Hope you all have a good night.

In Christ alone,
Bridget

Update

My dad is ok. It has been a very long day him. His line placement went ok. They started chemo at 3:45 this afternoon. He is having sweats but hopefully they won't last long. The doctors are all exicted about my dad's reponse to the chemo. Just another miracle God has given our family.

The cancer markers started dropping after the July 4th treatment and they keep going down. Just another thing that we thank and praise God for.

Pray that my dad's platlettes will increase. They are low right now and the chemo makes them even lower.

My dad's appetite is pretty good and his blood sugars are excellent. He has gained three more pounds since his last visit.

My mom met a lady today that has requested prayer for her daughter, Patricia. Patricia is 24 years old (with a 4 year old daughter) and has ovarian cancer. She is now bed-ridden and very weak. The family loves the Lord and the family has ask for our prayers. They also met another young man that they were able to witness to who is searching for answers. Please keep praying for our family as we reach out to people with God's love.

In Christ alone,
Bridget

Beautifully Broken

Beautifully Broken

Down but not defeated.
Ashes that are being turned into beauty.
Knowing that Jesus shines in my brokeness.
God taking the ordinary in my life and turning it into something extraordinary.
Hurting but still running the race.
Reaching for and waiting to hear the words someday of My good and faithful servant.
Looking forward not behind.
Being set free of the past and how my life should be.
Knowing that I have been made in the image of God.
Being changed from the inside out.
Knowing that true beauty starts on the inside.
I am radiant when my eyes are focused on my God.
Has an Audience of One.
Seeks to have a heart after God.
Knows in God's arms I am safe.
Emersed in tears but filled with hope.

This is actually a page I have written in my journal. Before I share about it I want to first update you on my dad. He is doing good. He actually did some yard work the other day and you can tell he is feeling better. The only that is hurting him is his side that he bruised the other day. So pray for that to heal and quit hurting. Pray for safe travel as we go to M.D. Anderson on Monday. My dad will be in the hosiptal on Monday. I will update you all on when he is having chemo and getting out of the hosiptal.

The Beautifully Broken words written above is something that has been written in my journal for a while now. One day I was thinking about what it meant to be broken but knowing that God brings beauty in it. And these are the words that God gave me. I am broken but I'm thankful that I am not just broken but beautifully broken because of the beauty God is creating in my brokeness and pain. I am down but not defeated because of the hope I have in God. The hope of knowing that every road and journey I'm on God is with me and will carry me through.

Even though I have days where it feels like I'm emersed in tears I will always be filled with hope even in the midst of my tears because I serve and love the ulimate Hope Giver. The God that brings and gives hope in what may seem like a hopeless circumstance.

Beautifully Broken with hope,
Bridget